You don’t want to be successful. Your not desperate enough or you haven’t been kicked hard enough to do whatever it takes to succeed in your eating habits and your financial life.

These words were spoken to me a few weeks back by someone who I dearly love and who dearly loves me. I didn’t however, feel very loving towards them as these words were spoken. Not only that but it has taken me a while to process through those words and decide what is true and what I need to let go of.

It’s easy to throw out a blanket statement. You see what you want to see and then produce some words you think someone needs to hear. Problems arise though when you don’t see their heart nor take note of how they are wired and start using your own definition of success to define someone else’s life.

To be fair I was lamenting about how hard the last several years have been and that I can’t seem to find my footing. I regretted being this honest as soon as the words came out of my mouth, because the reality is, I like my life. There are not many of us however who can’t deny that the idea of being a few pounds lighter and having a few more pennies in our pockets sounds heavenly. I guess what I was getting at is that I was wishing life was a little easier and what I got in return was…

You don’t want it bad enough.

In some ways he’s right. I recently read the book, Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. I gleaned some things out of it I really needed to hear and I also set aside what I knew would never work for me. Like the part about her workaholic lifestyle and constantly being on the move and being so stressed out that she got Bell’s Palsy… twice. When I read this, everything in me screamed… “I soooo do not want that life!” I am not even remotely wired that way. The few years I put in that much effort in I was awarded with stage 3a breast cancer.

Don’t get me wrong. I get up between 3:00 and 4:00 am Monday thru Friday. I work out, go to work, make dinner do laundry and shuttle our teenagers around after school. After dinner, however, you can find me on the couch reading. I do not have the perfectionist gene so at times, while I am on the couch there are dirty dishes in the sink, laundry that needs to be folded, or a floor that needs vacuuming.

As loud and obnoxious as I can be and as much as I want to make a “difference” in this world, I’m old school with the whole raising kids thing. I only have 5 years left with them under my roof and I want to be here, I want to be present, in person, to help them navigate life while I still play a large roll in it. This means that I leave the office at 3:00, I take them where they need to go, I chat with them about their days and whatever issues they are working through. They are my people.

Maybe I have thought about those words so much in the last several weeks because it’s forced me to take the time to determine what success means to me and what I am willing to risk to achieve it. The truth is when I take stock of my life I don’t think success has much to do with a number on a scale or how much is in my bank account. These things are important and I am constantly working on both but overall I always go back to God, family, and friends. Those are the things I put most of my efforts and energy into. I certainly have dreams and things I would like to do but this situation was a reminder to me that when I am tempted to lament my current circumstances I need to measure up those feelings to my definition of success so I can hold my head high and be grateful for the life I have chosen.

Have A Beautiful Day My Friends!

Gala – March 2019

Tiffany

My Girls

Last summer “My Girls” and I  decided to carve out a weekend during the holiday season where we could get out of town, go shopping, drink wine and just be together. The perfect Airbnb was found and we cleared our schedules for the 1st weekend in December to play.

Taryn remembered a super cool idea from one of Joanna Gaines’ magazines where girlfriends get together and bring something they love, to share with the whole group. So, there are six of us girls and we were tasked to bring one thing we love and to bring one for each person. We put a $10 limit on the gifts and then said nothing more about it.

As Summer turned to fall and life began to happen, things changed and plans had to be altered. I had to back out of our weekend as I was needed for a family matter out of state. Taryn still went, but a day late as her husband was awarded a medal of honor for his roll in a standoff situation. (he’s a police officer) Together, they laughed, they cried they shopped, drank wine … and gave gifts.

The families got together a few weeks later and my girls… unbeknownst to me brought their gifts. What unfolded next was a flood of never-ending tears, because as much as we have things we love that we want to share, what we really wanted to do was to say, I love you. When someone gives you a gift with a word or a whole book even that reminds them of you and then proceeds to explain why these words remind them of you, well, you cry. A Lot.

Today is Valentines Day. It’s the day of love. Love of spouse, kids, extended family and friends. It’s the perfect day to talk about this amazing group of women. It’s the perfect day to talk about my friends.

Heidi n Me

Heidi is our girl with the “tool belt.” No matter what you are going through whether it be emotional or physical Heidi pulls out a “tool.” Her tools are words of wisdom, thoughts and ideas that help you gain perspective and persevere through whatever you are going through. She’s tough, she’s sensitive and she’s the one you want on your side in a fight, be it physical or emotional. So Heidi brought some tools with her to share with the rest of us. Bag Balm and cookie scented candles for a scentsy. Because everyone knows if your lips are not chapped and things smell good you can tackle anything.

Jennifer n Me

Three of the girls in our tribe work at the same elementary school. Taryn is the school secretary, Jennifer is a 1st-grade teacher and Karla teaches third grade. Being in the school setting as you can imagine they are all lovers of words. Jennifer is the quietest and by far the kindest of us all. I have never heard an unkind word about anyone come out of her mouth. She keeps negative thoughts to herself and saves all that stored up energy to unassumingly love those around her who need it the most. Her gift? An ornament with a photo of five hearts tied together with one string with all of our names on it. What better gift than the gift of a visual reminder of how much you are loved?

Karla n Me

Karla is the one who “sees” what you think no one sees. She has a full life so we don’t get to hang with her as much as we would like but somehow, some way she knows what is going on in your heart. I can’t tell you how many times Karla has texted me or looked me straight in the eye and put words to the deepest feelings in my heart.  She went and pulled all the children’s books off of the shelf in her classroom and searched each one until she found a book that matched all of our separate personalities or what we have or are currently overcoming. She nailed it. Tears.

Taryn n Me

Out of the 6 of us I would have to say that Taryn and I get a tie for the loudest and the most chatty. Taryn loves with all that she is. She was one of my first friends when I moved to Coos Bay and I love her because she makes everyone feel like you are her favorite. She laughs loud and long and just like me, her favorite color is red. Taryn is currently inspired by an artist named Rae Dunn. Her gift to each of us was a coffee mug with a word or phrase that reminded her of us. Her word for me was humble. I would not have picked that word for myself and was floored that this was what came to mind when she thought of me.

Pam gave the gift of scripture and a word that reminded her of us all packaged in a cute little coffee mug. It was perfect because she is always pointing us back to Christ. She has suffered quite a bit but still has this uncanny ability to see the good in all things. She reminds us to trust and to seek God in every situation. When everything feels crazy Pam is the calm who comes in and reminds you of who is really in charge and in control of all that you are facing.

My gift? My favorite book. Why? Because it never gets old and I never grow tired of it. Every time I read it, I learn something new. I picked it because it reminds me of my friends. People who have seen you at your worst and love you anyway. Love gives you the courage to go and be yourself to all the world. They are my launching pad. They remind me that I have nothing to prove to anyone. I can be all that I am without fear of reproach because outside of God and my Husband their opinions are the only ones that matter.

Happy Valentines Day My Friends!!

Tiffany

My Other Parents…

At the end of your life, how do you want to be remembered? I think we all hope that our presence in this world has made a difference. We want to know the world is a better place because we were here. Cue… It’s A Wonderful Life.

This past weekend we celebrated the life of a man who leaves behind him a legacy of love. Dennis knew no strangers. Every person he encountered he viewed as an opportunity at friendship. I refer to him as Papa Denny because that is what my kids call him. He made everyone in his life feel like they were family.

It is fitting that Papa Denny passed right at the beginning of the season where much of the world focuses in and reflects on the greatest act of love ever bestowed upon humanity. The gift of Baby Jesus. It is a season where we focus on kindness, compassion, generosity, gratefulness, hope and love.

Dennis and Jean. My other parents. You love me and my kids as your own. Who could possibly ask for more than that?

What greater time of year to celebrate the life of a man who exemplified all of these things? Like the rest of us he was far from perfect but to me, he loved people more perfectly than I have ever seen anyone else do it. Papa Denny never did anything halfway. This sometimes meant he was a lot to take in, but in the end, when you stop to look at his life as a whole you see a trail of people whose lives changed dramatically for the better because of him.

There is a quote by Hunter S. Thompson…

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!

This fits Papa Denny perfectly. He literally used up every ounce of his physical body, living. His life was not an easy one, his childhood, to put it mildly, was rough which meant at times getting in between his parents during a late night brawl and taking a few blows in the process. His only brother was killed in a car accident in his 20’s and there were the financial ups and downs as well as disappointments, heartaches, injuries and major surgeries. (I’m thinking 30 surgeries is a fair estimate.) But Papa Denny never focused on the bad. Even in great physical pain he would smile and use whatever strength he had to lend a hand to someone else. I can think of several homeless couples and families who have Dennis to thank for food, shelter and reconnection with loved ones.

Honestly, I’m having a hard time trying to figure out what this world is going to look like without Denny in it.  I do know however that if he was here he would be looking for ways to help others out. As I reflect on all of this I realize that I need to live better, I need to love better, right now during the Holidays and all the days of my life. We lost a mighty lover of people last week, not only do I need to help fill in the gap but use his legacy as a launching pad for greater acts of kindness because what greater legacy to leave behind than a legacy of love?

Three of the 4 men in this photo had a reunion in heaven last week. Merry Christmas. Grandpa Wartenbee, Grandpa Gatlin and Papa Denny!!

Have A Beautiful Day My Friends!

Tiffany

She’s turning 15.  It hit me hard the other day… my baby is turning 15!

The memories have taken me by surprise in the last week or so and then it dawned on me that 15 is the 1st age one of my kids has turned that I remember. I remember 15! It’s like it was yesterday and more than likely I remember it so well because it was the year we moved from Eugene, Oregon to Coronado, California.

I was heading into my sophomore year of high school and the decision was made to move away and begin again. It was both brutal and amazing at the same time. Brutal because Eugene was all I had ever known and due to my propensity towards over emotion my parents decided the best plan was to have family friends pick me up from Summer Camp in northern CA. The camp was great. Getting the call that I would not be going home to say goodbye to all my friends… not so much. My parents picked me up on their way down and away we went. I had to say goodbye to 15 years worth of friends via the telephone.

1985 – 15 years old

The amazing part? We moved to Coronado, CA. For those of you who don’t know, Coronado is a peninsula across the bay from downtown San Diego. 73 degrees and mostly sunny year round. Coming from rainy Oregon, this did not take me long to get used to. It took a while but about 8 months in I had found my people. It’s been 33 years since I was 15. My people? Still with me. We live all over the country now but we walk through this life together, births, deaths, illness, laughter, love, and memories. Some of our lives were already hard in high school, the rest of us caught up later.

15! How can she be 15? I am not ready! Fortunately, our personalities are polar opposite and she is not desperately insecure like I was. She does not feel the need to go to extremes to fit in as I did. She can stand alone and hold her ground for what she believes where I wavered so I would feel accepted.

Back then I was excessively extroverted. The thought of spending even two seconds alone was horrifying. With time and age, I have mellowed and have learned to enjoy and sometimes even crave time alone. But only for a few hours or so, any more than that and I begin to get restless. Natalie, (my baby girl) on the other hand is an introvert. Alone time is what she craves most. In social settings, she’s quiet, observant and misses almost nothing. She sees and hears more than I do because I rarely hear anything above the sound of my own voice chit chattering away. I’m not worried about her getting older as she is so much more level-headed than I was. It just feels weird that she is at an age that I have so many memories of.

We watched The Breakfast Club together the other night. The Breakfast Club! 1985 – I was 15 when this movie came out. I did find myself singing Jingle Bells very loudly during a few scenes as there was some content I had forgotten about in the last 33 years and I was not quite ready to have her hear that stuff in my presence. The truth though? I still loved it. I still related to it. It took me back all those years ago to the jock, the princess, the crazy, the nerd and the criminal. Natalie is just beginning her freshman year so I am not sure the movie resonated with her now as much as it will in a year or so. The characters haven’t changed all that much over the years. The biggest difference is that the illegal marijuana they are all smoking in the movie is now legal (at least in Oregon) and readily available on almost every street corner in our little town. But I digress.

When I look ahead I realize that I am excited to watch how her life unfolds. We are so different and it will be interesting to see how she handles the difficulties that come her way. I am hoping that since she tends to operate from a foundation of security that her decisions will reflect her stability. When she does fail, my prayer is that she kicks the dust off quickly and moves on. At 15 a whole new world is beginning to open up for her and she doesn’t even realize it yet. In a few weeks, she will get her drivers permit. It’s all going so fast. I feel that same brutal but amazing feeling I had back then. It’s brutal to allow her to spread her wings a bit but oh so amazing to begin to watch her fly.

The only thing I didn’t do before I got married was travel abroad. Nat and I have been dreaming about ways to get her out into the world and experience some stuff. I want her to see it all, the beauty and the pain. I want her to know that the world is so much bigger than what she has seen up to this point. None of it will be easy but it’s guaranteed to be amazing. On a completely selfish note, I hope she eventually settles in a place where I can live near because as much as I want her to fly, I desperately want to be there when she comes home. 15. She’s not a little girl anymore but she will always be my baby.

2003 – 2 Weeks Old

Have a Beautiful Day My Friends!

Tiffany