Just After Surgery … Hanging With My Sissy
This is part two in a three part series on different aspects of time…
So I was chatting with a new friend the other day, she happens to be undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer and she was struggling with the changes that keep taking place in regards to her upcoming surgery. There are a lot of decisions to be made, she is very young and the thought of having to pick out what your tattooed nipples are going to look like is well, a touch overwhelming. There is a lot coming at her all at once and even though the surgery is several months down the road she is naturally beginning to try and process the whole new world of mastectomy and fake nipples.
As has been stated several times, everyone’s cancer experience is very different and has it’s own set of challenges. I have found that more often then not a lot of women do chemo first then surgery then radiation. That wasn’t the case with me. With me it was surgery first, then chemo and radiation. I didn’t have a lot of time to think about the surgery as there were not that many options and we just needed to get on with treatment. So for me the surgery part was rather emotional because it was the first thing. I had a hard time with seeing so many photos of girls on pinterest or in blog posts pumping their fists after surgery with huge smiles and that tough, fierce, fighter look on their faces. I struggled with why I didn’t feel so fierce. I thought it meant I wasn’t strong. I wanted to be … I am woman, hear me roar… but instead I was scared and sad and worried about what was to come.
Before Chemo…
What I have come to realize since is that there was one key ingredient missing with my situation… Time. Time to process, time to go through chemo and feel like death, time to come to terms with a new life with new hopes and new dreams. What I realized when I was talking with my friend is how much of a difference time has made. I am not sure that I agree with the whole notion that “time heals all wounds” because I have learned in my short stint here on earth that there are some things you just don’t get over. But, time does dull the pain and allows you to move forward to a life that although unexpected will have its own rewards. I don’t feel sad or scared or worried about my chest anymore, I have another surgery coming up to finish up the mastectomy on the other side and to have reconstruction. My 1st surgery was 14 months ago and enough time has passed to give me perspective about what is going to happen and how my future will be brighter for having made decisions that will give me peace of mind. Even 4 months ago I was still deciding and unsure about what next step to take but in the end enough time has passed to help me figure out what is important to me and what I want my future life to entail.
Life Has Begun Again!
Today, I could easily jump off of that gurney, pump my fists and have the fierce look like all the rest of them. I am strong. I am tough. I am fierce. I just needed a little time to help me figure that out.
Have a great day, All!
Stay tuned for next weeks third post in a 3 part series on, time…
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