Marching Around The City…

The kids and I at the “wax museum”

I am going to put as positive a spin on this as I can and just say that life is sure adventurous. There is an old saying that goes something like …

You are either in the midst of a problem, coming out of a problem or heading into a problem.

I can with all certainty say that there are a lot of people in this world that suffer far worse than me. But I can also say that since 2011 there has been a constant barrage of pain, grief, strife and heartache in my life and as we wage the newest battle (well, its actually been going on for quite some time but I let it fade to the background during cancer) I find myself questioning if all the tears that I am shedding mean that I am not trusting.

God has a plan, a plan for good and deep within my soul I know this. It’s on the surface where I fall apart. When the waves start rolling and crashing down on me, I kind of freak out. I am going through a bible study called Unglued by Lysa Terkhurst with some of my girlfriends. That 1st week I had yelled at my son a few times so I thought to myself “this study is going to teach me to control myself in regards to my emotional outbursts in parenting and wifing.” (I know wifing is not a word but I was having this conversation with myself in my head.) It’s an area where I need work so it just fit. The second 2nd week into the study I realized that God wasn’t challenging me on my emotional outbursts in regards to my family but in regards to Him.

This first section is centered on the story of Joshua and the city of Jericho. Joshua and his army were to take the city. Conquer it. One problem. No weapons to speak of and the walls surrounding the city of Jericho were at least 30 feet high and well reinforced to protect the city from such an event as this. So what does God tell Joshua to do? He tells him to have the people of Israel march around the outside of the city once a day for 7 days and on the 7th day march around the city 7 times and then shout and blow some horns. Really!? Marching and horn blowing, that’s it? Not only that but as they were headed off to do what they were asked an angel of the Lord appeared to Joshua and Joshua asked him “Whose side are you on?” “Neither One.” … “Take off your sandals for the place where you are standing is holy.” So now not only is Joshua not going to fight but for all practical purposes he is asked to step aside altogether and just march.

Interestingly enough Mr. Wonderful happened to read the same story with our son that same week during their breakfast bible reading time. Coincidence? I think not. I think that we were both being told that it’s time to put the swords down and let God do what he is going to do. We have prayed, we have sought counsel and we have done everything to the best of our ability to seek resolution to this situation. Over the last two weeks God has basicly said, now, let me.

I did it during cancer. I laid there on my couch and let God take care of everything. I couldn’t do anything else, I was physically and mentally incapable of doing anything but stare at the wall. Now that I am healthier I want to pick up that sword and start swinging. I forget that we didn’t go under when I was sick. I forget about the provision that took place. When you are in a zombie like state you don’t really care what is happening around you but when you are coherent you see all the many ways that things can and do go wrong. So you fight and you swing that sword again and again because your afraid that if you stop swinging  you will be defeated. There is a time to fight, don’t get me wrong, but there is also a time to step aside, acknowledge that you have done all that you can, lay down your sword and march around the city.

Do you think that Joshua after his encounter with the angel, marched around the city with slumped shoulders and uncontrollable weeping? I don’t think so. He still had the warrior mindset, he just relinquished control of how he thought the battle should be won. So maybe my tears don’t mean that I am not trusting but rather are a part of the process of letting go and letting God. And who knows maybe Joshua did shed a tear or two but then girded up and moved forward.

So, we’re marching. What about you? What kind of season are you in? In the middle of the battle? Just on the other side? Basking in the glory of a few moments of peace? Or like me, have you been asked to lay down your sword and march?