You Are Such An Idiot!

Bandon Dunes 2017

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! How many times do I say things like this to myself during a typical week? Honestly, more times than I would like to count. How much angrier do I get with myself for making mistakes than I would with my kids or a friend? Why can I extend grace to others but have no a tolerance policy when it comes to me and my failings?

Raise your hand if you can relate. Now take those hands, wrap them around yourself and tell yourself that you are amazing and wonderful and capable. Why these words? Because these are the words you would say to a friend who needed a bit of encouragement in a tough spot. Our mistakes do not define who we are as people they are just things we walk through. Every single one of us fails, some just do it with more grace than others.

A few weeks back I was at the bank in the drive up teller line. It was a Friday afternoon and I was chit chatting with the sweet girl behind the window. I have done my banking at this bank for several years and knew this girl had within the last year or so had a baby. Well, when she walked away to make my deposit she came back to the window and I, in my very loud and enthusiastic way blurted out, “Congratulations!” She asked me, “For what?” And I said, “on being pregnant!” To which she responded, “I am not pregnant, it’s just the dress.” Yep! Epic fail! I know better than to say such things but I said it anyway and then I felt horrible and have pretty much beat myself up over it ever since.  I am still so embarrassed by it that I was earnestly trying to come up with another mistake to share with you so I didn’t have to admit my insensitivity.

I can’t take it back, the words are out there all I can do is remind myself that those insensitive words do not mean that I am a jerk (okay, I was a jerk in the moment) or a bad person. I made a bad judgment call and next time I need to think before I speak. (This seems to be the theme of my life.) So much easier said than done, huh? It’s a whole lot easier to stew in my awfulness and wonder why anyone would ever like me again after being so rude to someone. How did my friends handle it? (Of course, I immediately outed myself.) They were shocked but they laughed and have threatened in many public settings to yell out, “So, Tiffany! When is your baby due?” just to give me a hard time and to remind me that they love me and my moment of insensitivity doesn’t change anything.

I was reminded this morning about self-love. We need to treat ourselves as we would any other person we love. There is only one you and there is only one me. God has us here for a reason and no matter what we do or say he will always love us. So I’m thinkin if the creator of the universe isn’t sitting up there throwing his hands up in the air and shouting, “Why is she such an idiot!?” then maybe I shouldn’t either.

Have A Fabulous Day!