I See You.

This Was A Great Day! 26.2 April 28, 2018

I See You.

Someone said this to me the other day. Someone I don’t know very well. I am attempting something new and it’s hard. In three little words, she let me know that she’s aware I am struggling and uncomfortable but she’s looking past all of it to what she’s sure I can become if I don’t give up.

I have done very little in the way of upper body strength since having breast cancer. Sure I’ve run but never anything that directly affected my chest. I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about the why because life is busy and I was doing other things. But when it comes right down to it strengthening my upper body means that I HAVE to focus on it. I have to acknowledge my lack of full range of motion, the pain at the top of my rib cage that feels permanently bruised and the random Charley Horses that come on when I move in a certain way. Then you add in the emotional component of not being as strong as I used to be and that my chest and a large portion of my upper back on my left side are completely numb. I certainly have never been the best in the room in a gym class but I have always been able to hold my own.

I have known for a while now that I need to get over myself and begin to make my whole body strong and not just the lower half.  So, the last week in December I joined a gym that has early morning classes, took a deep breath and showed up. In November I went back to wearing wigs full time because my hair is horrifyingly thin and in my quest to be cute I could no longer deal with my scalp showing. Very few people see me without one these days and if they do I am wearing a baseball cap. The cap got too hot for gym class so now I am going without it which is fine but it adds another layer to the emotional component because although there are a few familiar faces no one knows me enough to know what I’ve been through or what I am capable of.

What happens when all of these things are swirling in the air? I boldly wave my insecurity flag for all to see. I start nervously chatting about a marathon, cancer and being someone that normally gets up early. No one needs this information, they have their own stories of triumph and tragedy and the last thing they need at 5:30 am is a fluffy girl in hot pink tights and very thin hair blabbing about herself so no one thinks she’s a loser.

So, to have someone look past all that I am putting out there and take the time to tell me that they “see” me, well, it meant a lot. Since that day I have quieted down a bit and found a spot where I can’t see myself in the mirror and I am doing what I set out to do on the 1st day I walked in there. I am focusing on getting stronger. I originally thought it was just going to be my body but it looks like my heart and my mind are going to get a bit of a workout as well.

Have A Beautiful Day My Friends!

Tiffany