Gifts

 

I love gifts! I know the whole saying about giving being better than receiving and it is… but the receiving part is super fun too! I am gearing up for treatment #3 and although I am physically not feeling like death this week, emotionally things have been a bit rough.

Is it just me or do you sometimes wish that while you were going through a season be it a great one like planning your wedding or a hard one like cancer that the world would just stop turning until your moment is over? I am finding that this cancer thing can become all consuming. Not because I am focusing on it all the time, but it just is. Like the other night when my daughter was painting my toenails. (She wants to be a nail painter/wedding dress designer/photographer when she grows up so she is getting in all the practice she can.) I was happily eating my pizza getting ready to watch netflix and she says “Mommy why are your toenails bruised? They look like they are turning black.” Lo and behold yet another side effect of chemo that I was hoping to avoid. Is it the end of the world? No. If they fall off, will they grow back? Yes. Does it still suck? Yes.

There are only a gazillion other “little” things that pop up like this on a daily basis. But then you add in real life. The business, tax season, 4h sheep (and I know ABSOLUTELY nothing about animals!), little league baseball, dance practice, your mother in law’s illness taking a major turn for the worse, medical bills… and you get my drift. When you pile it all on there it can be quite a challenge to remember that there is a God, that he loves you and although everything in your little world seems to be spinning right off of its axis that he is in complete control. I say that I trust God but I have a feeling that he is looking at me right now and asking me to live as if I really mean it. Trust. Easy to say, hard to live out. Hard because I think in my heart of hearts that I want trust to = fix. That’s why people where so disappointed in Jesus because they thought the Messiah would swoop in and fix all of their problems, so Jesus was the wrong guy. He didn’t fix anything in their physical world.

When Aimee was ill I prayed and prayed for God to heal her and I trusted that he would do it. She was so young. She had an incredible husband who loved her dearly and they had an amazing 5 year old little boy. I really didn’t think it was her time. She had so much to live for. So when God took her home I was very disappointed and I remember saying that since God didn’t heal her that I wasn’t sure if I could trust him anymore. But again I was basing my trust in him on something he could do to make my life better. I wanted him to fix it and make me happy. The reality is that I prayed for her to be healed. He did answer my prayer because she is healed and complete and whole and in heaven with her creator.

So what does all this have to do with gifts? It’s that in the midst of me still trying to learn how to trust and to be ok with what is and quit worrying about how I want things to be, God has sent people along to give me gifts. Honestly, I think it’s the only perk of cancer.

The photo at the top of the page? Flowers from one of my high school buddies, Katrina Diller. She lives in Washington and even called Mr. Wonderful to find out where I would be on the day they arrived. They arrived on Good Friday. A perfect day to receive something so bright and cheery.

My friend Cyndi Parry gave me this pretty blue hat on one of our walks this week. Its snuggly and warm and I LOVE the flower. It makes it more, me.

Taryn stopped by yesterday and dropped of this little gem. All those little tabs? They are the Fruits of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. Right about now I can use all the reminders I can get. Even cooler? The profits of this purchase go towards helping human trafficking victims through Hope for Justice International.

I think this is my favorite gift of all. I am an early riser and because of this there are many days that I get to witness the glory of a beautiful sunrise. They take my breath away every single time. It’s my reminder that the world is so much bigger than my small little corner. I can make this day anything I want it to be just by choosing to trust.

 

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