Down She Goes…

1/2 way point! Yip! Yip! Yahoo!

1/2 way point! Yip! Yip! Yahoo!

This was us on our way to my third chemo infusion. Halfway Point! Hump Day! Yay Us!

And then there was two days later when I felt like this…

Because of this lovely turn of events I won myself a non-expense paid, seven hour stint in the ER, followed up by a 48  hour stay in the penthouse suite (or you could call it the 4th floor) of Bay Area Hospital. This trip was made complete by massive rounds of intravenous antibiotics and anti nausea medication.

It turns out that when your white blood count is supposed to be a 10 and its at 1.2, they panic a little. The bonus was that they discovered an intestinal infection to go along with the low white count which also meant that everyone now entering the room had to wear a hazmat suit. To say that I was thrilled with this new information is a huge understatement because the best part about all of this is that when I found out about this secondary issue, I was alone.

Mr. Wonderful, who had been with me all day, took a break and headed out to our son’s baseball practice. I had done pretty well during the day. Things were stable so it was a good time for him to go and get some fresh air. The thing is though that even on good days I really start to get nauseous and begin to slow down in the afternoons. About and hour or so after he left I tried to call him… no answer. Another half hour passes and I call him again… no answer. I’m starting to feel yucky and the nurse is feeling bad for me reassuring me that almost all cancer patients end up in the hospital at one point or another due to white count issues. I begin to distract myself with a little HGTV and all settles until the nurses come back in wearing the hazmat suits. My eyes get wide, they notify me of the intestinal infection and that they are wearing the suits for my protection. I begin to cry and try to call Mr. Wonderful again… no answer.

I hold it together until the nurses leave and just as I have completely unleashed into full on ugly cry, my besties walk in… in hazmat suits… This what they see…

Yes folks, it was quite a moment. You don’t let too many people see the ugly cry. Why? Well, because it’s ugly and it’s messy and you say things you really don’t mean because your frustrated and tired and nauseous and bored and you really just want all of this cancer stuff to go away. And what do your besties do in this situation? They try and calm you a bit, they take a hold of your hands and they pray.

Mr. Wonderful walked in as I was on the tail end of my episode and I’m thinkin’ he’s gonna keep his phone a little closer to his person from now on…My girls went and got me some food that wasn’t hospital food and we finished off the day with some anti nausea medication that made me slur my words and made my legs do this…

The silver lining? My family has decided that for my last three chemos  a few members are going to take turns coming up to stay for that 1st week and a half after infusion day that tends to be the most difficult. 1st up is Auntie Ivona (my brother’s wife), she’s Polish and has the most wonderful accent. I am ever so excited that she’s coming and only a touch concerned that The Coos might be a bit of a culture shock from her current residence in Coronado, CA. Anyone have any size 2 camo gear? I don’t want her to feel out of place.

I’m home again and ever so glad to be here. The sun is shining, I witnessed yet another beautiful sunrise this morning and I even made it to my Pilates class. I keep trying to remind myself that tears do not equal weakness or self pity or despair. I have so very many things in my life to be grateful for and I spend most mornings speaking them out loud. But every now and again my cup gets full and I get to allow the tears to wash my soul a bit. Life is a journey and I do not understand why some of us get to keep going and why some of us don’t. I am going to continue to be grateful for every breath that I take even if some of those breaths include hyperventilated sobs.

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  1. Rose Wilson says

    You should consider being a novelist! Your writings are very descriptive and full of humor even when your cup is only half full. I must say, I would buy your book in a heartbeat! You go girl……you are strong and full of faith to see you through. We are standing with you!

  2. What Rose said! Thank you for sharing this.

    We pray for you lots.

    You and your family (and your renter!!) are awesome, and so is this post.

    Much Love,


  3. Christine Williford says

    I agree you missed your calling, or maybe you just found it. Love you lady!

  4. Stacy Morris Lieberman says

    Stay strong! All your Cornado oldies are praying for you!

  5. Becky Crane says

    Thinking and praying for you often, Tiffany!

  6. Tracie Skinner says

    Wow!! This was so amazing to read, so honest and well written. You are so brave to share all of this! I wish you well and will be following you now. Prayers for you!

  7. Tiffany the words God has you put in writing are so special yes you should write a book when your finished with all of this. Your testmonty would strengthen so many people, I feel God puts us through trials so we will know how to help so many other people more then we have any idea, You are one of Gods special Angels he has a lot ahead great plans for you, you will look back on this trial and see all your blessings he has given you and your family. How much stronger you will be, keep you head up,we cry so he can pour his peace over us. Love you girl you are a shining star. I like all you wrote you were just tell us what you went through in black and white telling us just how it is. Blessings!!

  8. Dennis Guevara says

    Tiffany, you never realize how strong you are until your alone and then no one knows but you, but that’s all that matters. You are a very strong and beautiful woman, full of life and spunk, this , what your going through is just temporary, and you’ll be back on your feet in no time. In the meanwhile, be coddled, loved and cared for by everyone. You deserve it. My family will continue to pray everyday for you and your family. Love ya, the Guevaras

  9. Katrina Christensen says

    Tiffany you’re in my thoughts & prayers! Sounds like you have a great support system! If there’s anything I can ever do to help you out just let me know! Sending lots of positive energy! <3 Katrina Kathleen!

  10. candy adams says

    Thanks for sharing Ms. Tiffany, you are loved.

  11. Darci Steranko says

    Tiffany, you knew me as Darci Martin. I saw your link on another feed, and just wanted to first let you know what a beautiful writer you are! And that you will be in my thoughts and prayers as you knock this out of the park. I remember from our days in softball at Jefferson and in school at Churchill – nothing would get you. You were one of the most positive people I ever knew. Prayers be with you! You got this!!

  12. Tiffany Olson says

    I am truly humbled by all of your well wishes and words of encouragement. Thank you all for taking the time to share your thoughts and for keeping us in your prayers.❤️

  13. Sandi Hegge says

    Tiffany, my name is Sandi and I am a friend of Heidi Graham. She is sharing your journey with us so we can journey with you in prayer, and rejoice with you, even in the little things.
    Hold on tight to the hand of Jesus. Only He knows the things He has in store for you at the end of this roller coaster.
    Prayers continuing.
    Love to you, my sister in Christ
    PS You do write really well…. writing in your future? 🙂

  14. Carol Lodl says

    With all the prayers going up for you, girl, you’re going to make it. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but I’m sure I’d have the same feelings. But as long as you can look on the bright side through the dark side, I know you’ll come through this. What would we do without our good friends and our faith? Bless you every single day on this journey.

  15. Michelle silva says

    Oh my Tiffany!!!!…I am new to the whole social media thing…and I haven’t been in Hauser church for the past two years…so to say that I was shocked, surprised, heart broken, and hopeful just now is all really an under statement.
    Shocked because I had no idea you were sick…surprised at what an awesome journalist you are…heartbroken to read about your journey….but most of all hopeful. Can you guess why??? Because I know that not too many years ago you made a beautiful friend in a bible study who would later (or maybe sooner) become one of your best friends. And I know that you held her hand through her breast cancer journey…and that now we all know it was part of gods much bigger plan for you. That makes me hopeful!!! For you! Because I know not only God is with you….but I know that you have a guardian angel watching over you through your journey!!!! Keep smiling!!!!

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