The Plan

I have realized as of late that I am a planner. I like having a plan. I like creating a plan. Guidelines, something to refer to when things get off track. We are a family who loves to go camping. I looove planning those camping trips! The location, the food, the mama drinks… Yay! I don’t need an itinerary once we arrive … It’s all about the pre plan.

Summer is coming, plans are being made, country jam concerts, 4th of July weekend (the 4th is a saturday this year! Yay!), little league baseball allstars? (The jury is still out on that one), a 4H sheep which includes a week long stay at the Coos County Fair and last but not least a trip to Parker Lake in Az. to commemorate the end of my cancer treatments. This all sounds great right? All except for the fact that for this season of my life I don’t get to make plans. All of the afore mentioned activities? Up in the air. All of it. When you are going through cancer treatment there is no planning there is just here and now. Not because I don’t want to make plans. I DO! But when chemicals begin to rage through your body they quickly become the dictator of the what, when, where, why and how. I learned that lesson very quickly with my hospital stint a few weeks back. If anything else comes up and they have to push my treatments back further then that will bump into the much anticipated river trip with the family in August.

So? What is all of this leading up to? Tiffany learning how to live in the moment. Live for today, for right now this very moment. BRUTAL. I am a planner, a mover, a go-getter. I am having to learn to live in the present and not only to live in it but be present in my presence. This whole present thing really puts a cramp in my other favorite pastime… worry. I can’t even worry because in my present state I can do absolutely nothing about anything. Do you know how many verses there are in the Bible like “Be still and know that I am God.” or “Lean not on  your own understanding but aknowledge him and he will make your paths straight” I even found one in Ecclesiastes 7:10 the other day that said “Do not long for “the good old days.” This is not wise.” Wow. Don’t long for what was, don’t worry about what will be. Just be.

I gotta be honest this has been a bit rough but I am learning how to be still and to be ok with being still. I am putting my phone down when my kids are in the room and working on being fully present in their presence. I am soaking all the stuff in that Mr. Wonderful brings home from work and I am listening, praying and then just letting it go. I am trusting for the plans of summer that God has it already worked out and that it will be better than anything I could have planned. I am doing a lot more reading and hoping the words I read will make be a better person with a better ability to handle whats on the other side of cancer treatment.

I am leaving in a few minutes to head to Eugene to pick up my mom. She is coming into town to help with round #5. I am going to enjoy every possible moment I can with her. There will be laughter, there will be tears and there will be memories created because I chose to be present.

 

By the way… I had chemo #4. I didn’t eat much. But I am back on track and ready for #5 on June 2. Please if you are a prayer… then pray for us. It would be greatly appreciated. (-:

Chemo #4

Chemo #4

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Comments

  1. ❤️.

    I’ll now put down my phone and be present with my son over lunch. Just had to read your post first. We are praying!!

  2. Holly Tomlin says:

    You always have such wonderful insight into scripture, Tiffany. We’re definitely praying for you, Rod, and your kids.

  3. Christine Pickavance Barton says:

    Tiff, you are such an amazing girlie! Contagious smile, that I have not seen since HS days in Coronado! God has this way of making you understand patience and importance. Such a journey, and the fact you have let him take the wheel through all of this is true. I will be thinking and praying for you as #5 treatment it doing it’s thing. Big hugs!

  4. Ron Goertzen says:

    Beautiful, Tiffany. I recently heard a psychologist lift up a half glass of water and say that she had a question. No, not half-full, etc. “How heavy is this half glass of water?” For a few minutes, it’s 4 or 5 ounces. In 10 minutes, it will be a be heavier. In an hour, it will be hurting my arm. It’s like worry; the longer you hold on to them, the heavier they become and the more damage they do. I like your description of the lessons you’re learning. Thanks. Daddy Ron

  5. You’re in my prayers

  6. Tiffany though I don’t see you often I pray for you always. You are a very wise friend. Your smile is radiant and infectious. You are an example of faith and trust in the Lord. I know that you have good days and bad but through it all God is with you. I am truly thankful to be your friend. Hugs and much love!

  7. Draper family says:

    You have our prayers♡ you are amazing and so strong! I needed to hear this message today, thank you:)

  8. Davina Brown says:

    Hi Tiffany,
    I will keep you in prayer as you have chemo #5. Much love and hugs for you and your family!
    In Him,
    Davina

  9. Sending much love and praying Tiffany!
    Love you!
    Pam

  10. Melissa susman says:

    tiffany,
    I am impressed with your grace, vulnerability and insight. Kevin and I send prayers your way. The older and wiser we get, the more we realize that less is more; but when it comes to prayer, more is better. I pray for you often.
    Blessings,
    Melissa

  11. Rose Wilson says:

    I like you have always been a planner with all my ducks in a row. Now I realize every day is a gift from God and enjoy it to the fullest. You will come through this difficult time. I am praying for you…….

  12. Marie Baker says:

    Tiffany,
    You are in my prayers! You are one amazing woman. I think it’s pretty incredible how you are encouraging us by what you write, as God takes you through this.
    Love you!
    Marie

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