Boston Strong….

The Starting line / TiffanyAOlson.com

Have you ever had someone do something amazing for you when you know deep in  your heart you don’t really deserve it?  Monday April 17th is the 121st time the Boston Marathon will be held. It will be the 4th Boston Marathon for my friend Debbie Stemmerman.

Debbie is well known in our little town as an avid runner. There aren’t too many non rainy days, if one gets up early enough, that you can’t see her running through town while the rest of the citizens sleep. Debbie’s kids have all graduated high school but she is still  out on the track coaching kids, raising up the next generation of runners.

Coaching / TiffanyAOlson.com

Coach Debbie…

Besides runner, mom, coach, wife, daughter and friend there is something else Debbie is well known for, her tireless efforts to use running to raise awareness and funds for cancer research.

Cancer has affected just about all of us in one form or another. For Debbie she has lost a very dear friend and a nephew to this horrible disease. When I was diagnosed both her friend and her nephew were still living. I didn’t see her a lot during treatment mostly because I was not out in public very much. While some live their cancer loud and proud, I just wanted to be home with my family and get through it as best I could.

I have relayed this story many times and I choke up every single time…

I was pulling into Fred Meyer one day during my season of chemo treatments when I received a text from Debbie. I hadn’t seen her since I had been diagnosed because of my whole hiding out thing. Her text read…

“I took you on my run this morning…Thank you for helping me along the way you were in my thoughts for 17 miles… It was a beautiful morning thank you for being There if only in spirit you were a ton of help😘

It still makes me cry because I so needed to hear that I wasn’t alone and to know people were thinking of me even if I couldn’t bear to show my face.

Well as if that wasn’t enough Miss Debbie texted me a few months back and asked me if it would be alright to add my name to her running shirt on race day as a way to honor me and how far I have come. Race Day! Not just any race. The Boston Marathon!!

Debbie Running Boston / TiffanyAOlson.com

There are countless cancer survivors who have fought harder and been much braver than me so I struggle a bit with being honored in such a way. I am not all that brave or strong. There were a lot of moments during my cancer season when I wish I had been stronger and better able to hold myself together. As far as treatment goes, I did what any other person facing cancer does and by the grace of God I survived.

Debbie has taken her life’s passion… running, and uses it as a tool to make a difference. She has a sponsor page where she takes donations for cancer research, she stays intricately involved with those who are fighting the battle and she champions the memories of those who are no longer with us.

I pay attention to the Boston Marathon every year because I enjoy running but I will always remember the 121st race in 2017 because it’s the year that I was placed right above Debbie’s heart.

Run like the wind Debbie! I love you!

Do something for someone today to show them you care. A simple text to a friend or honoring them in some special way when they are in a hard spot can make more of a difference than you will ever know…

Have A Fabulous Day My Friends!

 

 

Celebrate Your Victories, No Matter How Small

There is sweet satisfaction when great effort has been put into something and it finally comes together. There are the biggies like graduating college, passing major exams or building a home. In the Olson household, we are celebrating the sweet victory of completed sheds for our chickens and sheep. Earth shattering? No. But completing something big all on your own feels good. Okay, it feels good to Mr. Wonderful because he did all the work but in all fairness, I did a whole lot of standing around looking cute and provided positive affirmations and nourishment along the way.

Yes, they have finally arrived. The sheep and the chickens are here and all is right with the world once again.

The weather this year has been particularly harsh and plans to begin construction over the Christmas holidays were interrupted by freezing temperatures and snow.

rod-n-tiff-winter-2017 / TiffanyAOlson.com

It never snows at the coast so we didn’t factor this into our perfectly well-laid plan to get it all done before January. Don’t get me wrong the snow was great but Mr. Wonderful having to build sheds during tax season… not so great.

Last Sunday morning the sun was shining, we grabbed our coffee and headed out to enjoy the fruits of all our/his labor. The chickens were running around and the sheep were surveying the territory of their new dwelling. I looked over at Mr. Wonderful and watched him gaze at the scene with a look of contentment and satisfaction. Ever so quietly I heard him say, “This is the moment I have been waiting for, all the planning, gathering of materials and eventual construction of this area is finally complete. The animals are here and now I can enjoy all of the efforts I put into this.”

The moment didn’t last long because he had to get back to the office for the final push to April 18. On April 19 we are closing the office to give our team members a day of rest and revel in a job well done. Mr. Wonderful told me last night he is going to buy a bag of chips, grab a lawn chair, go sit out with the chickens all day and throw food to them. I chuckled because I know him way too well. He’ll sit for maybe 10 minutes and then get an itch to go burn all the cardboard which has been stacking up in the garage since January. He will then decide since the fire is already going we might as well burn all the stumps and branches throughout the yard. After a full day of burning he will get up the next day and wonder why he is still so tired. Yes, he will be physically worn out but mentally he will feel refreshed and happy about another completed project at the house and ready to dream about his next adventure.

Take the time to celebrate your victories. Whether it’s a few moments to reflect on something you have created or and achievement you have worked hard to receive. It doesn’t have to be big. Maybe it’s as simple as a hot cup of coffee on a sunny Sunday morning with the people you love most.

Working Sheep / TiffanyAOlson.com

Working Their Sheep!

Have A Fabulous Day My Friends!

 

Those Who Stay…

Last week I was given a rare opportunity to visit with my people. Not all of my people but with three of the six who have stuck around for the last 35 years or so. This is all of us at our 20th High School Reunion.

Highschool Friends - 20 Year Reunion

Friends for 30 years. All Different, All Strong… All In.

Next year will be our 30th High School Reunion and the baby in the photo celebrated her ninth birthday yesterday.

Julia 9th Birthday / TiffanyAOlson.com

It’s been at least 5 years since I have seen Katie as she and the birthday girl along with her hubby Simon and other daughter Alana live in Kauai. A lot of water has flowed under the bridge since our last encounter and this was the beginning of our happy reunion…

Tiffnkatie / TiffanyAOlson.com

Tiff n Katie 2017

… Here is here is the rest of the crew that was able to assemble in the park that day…

There is just something about people who have known you since you were 15. You are completely free to be exactly who you are, no anxiety or worrying about what they are thinking. At this stage of the game you already know. We don’t all have the same views on life but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that when I got sick I started a group text to my people and sent them an “on my way to chemo selfie” every three weeks. Two and half years later that group text is going strong. We celebrate each other’s victories and sorrows, triumphs, and tragedies.

We only had a few hours together on that sunny Sunday afternoon, but seeing them refreshed my soul like little else can. I feel like a bit of an exposed nerve ending after these last two years and as I mentioned earlier next year is our 30th class reunion. I am struggling a bit with how overwhelming this might feel but my people have assured me that they will be there to walk me through it. Whether I go or not I will always and forever be grateful for the people in my life who have stayed. Staying isn’t easy but the reward is ever so sweet.

Tell your people how much they mean to you. No one can get through this life alone and our differences only make the journey more interesting.

Have a fabulous day my friends!

 

Yes, This Really Happened…

5 Miles! I ran 5 miles yesterday! Wahoo! It wasn’t even terrible. Well, the running part wasn’t terrible… It was a gorgeous sunny day here at the coast. 60 degrees and blue skies for miles. We have had so much rain here that there was no way I was going to waste an opportunity to run in the sun. My 1st running goal for the year is the Eugene 1/2 Marathon on May 7th. If I am going to contemplate finishing I have to bump my mileage up by one mile per week. Even with this, I will be short but I’m hoping the adrenaline rush of race day will propel me through those last few miles.

The day was beautiful. After church, Mr. Wonderful went into the office (it’s tax season) and I laced up my shoes and headed out the door. I know I have mentioned this before but there are times when my heart’s enthusiasm and my intestinal tract don’t line up. I had an inkling that there might be an issue by the end of my run, but it was sunny and I wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. Sure enough, by mile 4 that awesome rumbly feeling began and I knew without a doubt, there were going be problems. At 4.5 miles my sweet friend Crystal drove past me with her two sons, all I could muster was a, “Hello! I’ve almost run 5 miles!” They cheered me on because they love me, I felt rude for not stopping to chat but at this point there was no denying what was going to happen if I stopped running.

I finished my run, snapped the I finished selfie, jumped in the car as fast as I could and raced for home. We live in the country but we also live in an area with lots of little people running around. Adorable, little people…

I need to pause this anecdote for a moment and show you the view from my toilet seat. Notice how you can see the front yard and anyone standing in the front yard can see you. I have no idea why there is no special bathroom glass in this window and up until today, I have never had much of an issue…

The View / TiffanyAOlson/.com

The View…

… I raced into the house got into the bathroom, began to assess the situation… (it wasn’t pretty) I looked up to see my son and two neighbor boys walking in the front yard straight for the window! There is no way I can get up so I yell for Natalie to come help me. While she is on her way my phone rings, she is now in the bathroom with me and on the phone with Mr. Wonderful. I am frantically waving my arms and trying to get her to close the blinds while she is trying to relay the situation to her dad and also to inform him our power is out again. As all of this is going on our 4 year old neighbor follows Natalie into the bathroom do discuss the urgent matter of wanting to play with Bridger’s legos. I yelp because now the neighbor boy is in my bathroom and I can do nothing to change my perdicament. He looks over at me a little startled and I try to calmly explain why he needs to get out of my bathroom. He, without any fanfare glances back at Natalie and resumes his lego inquiry, while she is still on the phone discussing the power outage and how funny it is that I am flashing the whole neighborhood.

I did finally get the blinds closed and everyone out of my bathroom and yes, I am still trying to recover emotionally from this event. I have had plenty of time to ponder it because I am home today waiting on various service workers to show up due to the power outages which fried our modem for the internet and the motherboard in our oven. Life continues to happen, it helps to just chuckle and move on…

San Diego run / TiffanyAOlson.com

Have a fabulous day my friends!

 

Self-Control

Recital 2016 12 yrs old / Tiffanyaolson.com

Me -n- My Girl 2016

Last month I turned 47. Forty-Seven! I have already voiced the good the bad and the ugly on this situation so I will move on. But what I didn’t mention, was the gift I received from my 13-year-old daughter.

Nat Gift to me1 / TiffanyAOlson.com

I am a sucker for gifts. In Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, he discusses 5 ways people give and receive love. In a nutshell, the Love Languages are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service.  I am squarely in the Receiving Gifts and Quality Time categories. The reason I love gifts doesn’t have so much to do with the gift but rather the fact that someone took the time to make me feel special. I will keep this card forever because she made it especially for me. Natalie communicates love through Acts of Service and Gifts. I don’t think I have heard her say I love you audibly since she was a little girl. She has her own ways of expressing love and I have worked hard to learn her language.

Nat 2017 13 yrs / TiffanyAOlson.com

Natalie – Gettin Ready For Sheep – Winter 2017

At first glance, the gift might seem odd. She gave me the gift of Self-Control and then added a box of Milk Duds because those are my favorites. Why self-control? Well, I spend a fair amount of time talking about eating healthy and chasing my running dreams. I move the needle forward a bit every day but I slip up sometimes too. She’s letting me know she’s listening. She hears me. She watches me. Natalie wants me to know she desires to see me succeed with the dreams and goals I have set for myself.

Nat gift to me2 / TiffanyAOlson.com

Happy Birthday Mom!!! I love that you are my mom (even if you are loud☺)

The “even if you are loud” part is our thing. I am very outgoing and expressive, she is not. I check in with her now and again to make sure that my over expressiveness isn’t embarrassing for her or making her uncomfortable. There is a difference in trying to embarrass her (which is fun) and doing it unintentionally (which is not fun) and causing undo harm. She’s like Mr. Wonderful in that they find the antics of expressiveness amusing but would not ever consider being that way themselves. So I check in because I don’t ever want me to damage, us.

and I hope that one day you will be able to run your marathon and enjoy it and I hope that you are having a wonderful day.

P.S. I was tired and feeling a little nice.

The postscript is her explaining why she’s communicating affection. It doesn’t come naturally for her like it does for Bridger and me.

Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully.♥

2 John 1:8

My heart melted. She all on her own looked up a scripture on Self-Control and wrote it out for me. For a girl who spends very little time communicating her heart, this was huge. I love that Natalie took the time to tell me in her own unique way, how much she loves me. She gave me something tangible to hold on to on the days when her feelings might not appear so obvious. For this, I am forever grateful. No, I didn’t save the Milk Duds… I polished those babies off before the weekend was out.

This gift was a great reminder to me of the responsibility I carry as a parent. My kids are watching to see if I am going to put in the work to fulfill my dreams. Nothing worth having in this life comes easily and although I blow it at times and down an entire box of Milk Duds in two days, I also go running in the early morning hours no matter what the weather is doing. The Oregon Coast provides ample opportunity for one to skip out on a run because of adverse weather conditions and they are watching me get it done anyway.

As they get older and begin to pursue their own dreams I want them to look back and have the courage to face challenges that will come. Hopefully, they will do this because of the example they were given of someone who didn’t give up no matter how many times she was knocked down. I ran a 4 miler on Sunday. Only 22.2 more to be ready for my fall marathon. Lucky for me I have a family who wants to watch me succeed.

Bridge n Me / TiffanyAOlson.com

Bridge – My New Speed Coach

Have a fabulous day my friends!

 

Not Chasing Perfect

Mammoth / TiffanyAOlson.com

Mountain Biking at Mammoth Lakes

It seems there are a lot of recovering perfectionists out there. Several books have arrived or will be arriving on the scene which all have to deal with the idea of giving up their perfectionist ways. A short list includes, Shauna Niequist’sPresent Over Perfect, Emily Ley’s, Grace Not Perfection, Lara Casey’sCultivate What Matters (coming out in June 2017) and recently I read Unashamed by Christine Cain which wasn’t about perfectionism but touched on problems it has caused in the author’s life. The one issue I do not have in my life is chasing perfect.

My house is clean but not immaculate. I am not big on clutter or dirty bathrooms but I have to admit, the blinds in my dining room window haven’t been dusted since we moved in last August and we are now in the month of March. I probably shouldn’t mention the half wall which was removed in this room which spread sheetrock dust everywhere. I opened those blinds the other day and winced. But there are books to be read and blog posts to be written along with laundry, dinner, kids sports, helping at the office and runs to be ran, so to this day, the blinds in my dining room have not been dusted. And although it bothers me when I open and close the blinds, it obviously hasn’t bothered me enough to do something about it.

It’s funny to ponder on this idea of perfectionism because no one is or ever will be perfect until we get to heaven. Unfortunately, the antithesis of perfect is flawed/inferior/second rate or incomplete. I don’t consider myself inferior or second rate because my blinds are dirty, I do, however, wonder if I had the desire to be a little more put together then things would be different. It is not lost on me that these recovering perfectionists are all authors, speakers and or thriving entrepreneurs. Their perfectionist ways have driven them to various levels of success which I have yet to achieve. Even with this knowledge and as much as I desire to make my mark on the world, I am not willing to give up my current season of life to chase it.

I didn’t get married till I was 30. We began having children when I was 33. Our eldest is now 13 and we only have 5 years left till she spreads her wings and leaves the nest. 5 Years! I don’t want to miss it. I would rather do less, have less and be less in the world’s eyes than to chase the idea that we have to have it all together.

On the flip side there is guilt associated with not desiring perfection because as much as I don’t want to take the time it’s going to take to make life perfect I love how I feel when everything is in order. What is a girl to do?

  • Decide what is important.  Do those things. For this season of life, important to me is God, Mr. Wonderful, Natalie and Bridger (our kids), running, writing and reading.
  • Let go of commitments that don’t help you achieve what is important. I am shedding off all things which hinder what’s important. Time is short, whatever I commit to needs to center around what I care about most or I will inadvertently miss out on what brings me joy.
  • Focus on little things each day to help life feel orderly. To ensure my house isn’t a total disaster or to keep the other necessities of life in order I have made a commitment to tackle one small thing done each day. (ie. wipe down bathroom counters and swish out the toilet before I leave the house in the morning.)

I will leave you with this…

I wrapped a gift for our daughter’s friend the other day.  It was her 12th birthday. As she opened the gift she looked at how it was wrapped, giggled and asked if Natalie had wrapped it. I chimed in and assured her it was me. The edges were rough and not folded smoothly, scotch tape was everywhere. Yes, I would love my gift wrapping skills to mimic those I see on Pinterest, but in the moment I had a choice to make. Am I going to sit here for a half hour and try to make this wrapping job look perfect or am I going to slap some tape on it and call it good? Tape slapping always wins because I don’t have the patience or the skills for smooth corners and the truth is trying to get it perfect stresses me out. I would much rather laugh at myself later in front of a group of people than sit at home and sweat over the imperfect creases in my wrapping paper.

Now, I will go clean the blinds…

Have a fabulous day my friends!!

 

 

 

 

Who Are You?

My New Hair / TiffanyAOlson.com

Personality quizzes. I love to take these little tests. There is nothing out there with 100% accuracy but whether it’s a quiz to figure out how I relate to the world or how the world relates to me, I find it intriguing. The other day someone recommended a book based on the personality quiz called the Enneagram. In its simplest form, I understand it to be a test which places you in a category of one of nine personality types. I searched for a quiz online recently while I was running errands with Mr. Wonderful and began to answer the questions while he was popping in and out of hardware stores.

It didn’t take long to realize I couldn’t answer the questions being asked. After the 3rd or 4th question in which I consulted Mr. Wonderful to help me, it dawned on both of us that my personality has changed a bit. When he kept meeting my questions with hesitation or complete silence I chimed in and vocalized what we were both thinking: Two years ago, we would have had an obvious answer to this question. It’s crazy, neither one of us has an answer for who I am today. There haven’t been enough social interactions to determine what my new typical course of action will be. The only sure thing is I am much more reserved now than I was and I am finding it difficult to ascertain if this is good or bad. Am I more reserved because God wanted to smooth off some rough edges? Or does the reservation stem from an overwhelming sense of feeling exposed, weird and different?

Everyone wakes up at one point and wonders who they are on the other side of tragedy because no one in this life is spared, not even Jesus. My question is where to go from here? At what point do I look at a group of questions and once again say, “Oh this is so me!” It was hard to read those questions and not know how to respond.

Fortunately, while I am trying to figure out who this new earthly me is the spiritual me never has to wonder who I am or how I fit in. Who I am in Christ never changes, it never diminishes or becomes questionable no matter what is happening in my physical world. I would love to tell you I am so well versed in scripture that a plethora of verses popped into my head to remind me who I am in Christ. But since this is not my reality I did a quick google search and came across a sheet created by Joyce Meyers . Here are a few that stood out:

I am complete in Him. Who is the Head of all principality and power (Collossians 2:10)

… The Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world (1 John 4:4)

I am God’s Masterpiece… created anew so I can do the good things he planned for me long ago (Ephesians 2:10)

I am more than a conquerer through Him who loves me (Romans 8:37)

I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a  purchased people (1 Peter 2:9)

Reading these words causes me to take a big sigh of relief because it reminds me where I need to go to find the only answers that matter. All that I go through in this life, God is using to make me more like him. I will continue to look to the one who never changes and trust that the newer version of me is better equipped than before to draw others to Him.

Have a fabulous day my friends!

Rebuilding a life…

There is a lot of construction going on around here. A Chicken Shed and a Sheep Shack are the most recent projects being tackled in our country living adventure. The Chicken Shed idea came about shortly after we moved in and Ryan, Mr. Wonderful’s best friend called and mentioned that he had acquired us 10 chickens and was wondering when the best time would be for him to drop them off. Mr. Wonderful just laughed because at the time he was finishing up the unfinished garage. The sheep will be entering our lives on April 1st because this is the beginning of 4H season and although we know very little about animals, they are coming and we are getting ready.

Mr Wonderful / Tiffanyaolson.com

Mr. Wonderful

After the garage was complete, shelving needed to be built inside because modular homes are not known for their storage capacity. Once we were able to get our things put away Mr. Wonderful went about town and began collecting wood pallets. Those discarded little treasures usually found in alleyways or on construction sites have been the basis for many a project at the Olson household over the years, I even have one hanging in our bedroom which is used as a shelf for displaying photos. What better home could be provided for our new friends than one made from free wood?

A good portion of the Chicken shed was built over the Christmas Holidays and is waiting for nesting shelves and a small fence area. All the materials for the sheep shack have been gathered other than roofing and construction began yesterday. It is exciting to be creating new memories and hanging out with the kids in different ways.

Country living is what we were missing when we lived in town. We loved our beautiful house but it didn’t provide the lifestyle we wanted to live. With this new home (to us) and new neighborhood, we are beginning again. Of course new doesn’t mean problem free. There have been a few mishaps like leaky pipes and issues with the well but that is to be expected, it’s not fun but it happens. Between the projects which need to be tackled and the ones Mr. Wonderful is dreaming about, he will be busy for quite some time.

Rebuilding. I love it. We removed many things from our lives both physically and emotionally that were holding us back and now we get to start fresh. Our eldest is 13, and I want to spend the next few years creating memories and having adventures because 18 is coming fast and I don’t want to look back and regret what we didn’t do.

 

 

The Fundamentals

It doesn’t matter what you are doing you can always find a way to do it better. In a phone conversation with my dad yesterday we discovered we are in a similar spot in life. Well, actually we have been in a similar spot for a while now. He too had a business shake up and a bout with cancer over the last two years. Now that we are both thankfully on the other side of some of those more stressful days we are beginning to refocus on areas in our life that bring us joy. He has a love of leather working and I have a love of writing. What we are both learning is the more involved you become in something the less you realize you know.

Tiff and Dad 2016 / Tiffanyaolson.com

Dad -n- Me 2016

Recently it has been brought to my attention that there are words not to be used when writing. Who knew? Obviously not me, I have no idea where I was when they taught these no no words in writing class as a youngster. I mentioned it to my family the other night at the dinner table and my 13-year-old began to rattle the words off as if they were second nature. The list is quite extensive and includes: very, that, like, really, you, feel, think, as, a lot, sort of/kind of. Looking back at my blog posts it is grossly apparent I didn’t get the memo. I use these words all the time! While reading the list I began to laugh out loud because if I went back and edited my posts and removed all the errant words I’m not sure there would be any words left!

The more involved one becomes in something the easier it is to forget or maybe realize, they never even learned the basic fundamentals. The very things that exist as a foundation for greatness are being neglected or left out altogether.  In researching examples of honing your craft I came across a book written about Vince Lombardi. He was the new head coach of the Green Bay Packers in 1961. In the previous season, the Packers had narrowly lost the NFL Championship game. A game in which they had held the lead. What follows is an excerpt from an article by James Clear:

;In his best-selling book, When Pride Still Mattered: A Life Of Vince Lombardi, author David Maraniss explains what happened when Lombardi walked into training camp in the summer of 1961.

He took nothing for granted. He began a tradition of starting from scratch, assuming that the players were blank slates who carried over no knowledge from the year before… He began with the most elemental statement of all. “Gentlemen,” he said, holding a pigskin in his right hand, “this is a football.”

Lombardi was coaching a group of three dozen professional athletes who, just months prior, had come within minutes of winning the biggest prize their sport could offer. And yet, he started from the very beginning.

The end result of taking his players back to the fundamentals?

The 1961 season was the beginning of Vince Lombardi’s reign as one of the greatest football coaches of all-time. He would never lose in the playoffs again.

Vince-Lombardi / Tiffanyaolson.com

Vince Lombardi

Fundamentals are the roadmap to greatness. Simple steps utilized over and over again lead to greater understanding. When the process becomes clearer we begin to get better at what we are doing which in turn brings confidence and greater results. Who doesn’t want to be better at participating in activities that bring them joy? If you want to win at life you have to work for it. No matter what you are trying to achieve, or how many times you have to start over. The better you are at the basics, the better you will be at playing the game.

What are some fundamentals you could brush up on?

 

Victoria’s Secret…

47th Birthday 2017 / Tiffanyaolson.com

FORTY SEVEN!!

So I turned 47 this week. FORTY SEVEN!! On the one hand since I spent all of 2015 trying to stay alive so it’s really great that I am still here. On the other hand FORTY SEVEN! None of my 40ish birthday’s have affected me like this one. Well, to be honest, I thought I was handling my 40th birthday well until I looked back on the photos of my 40th year and noted the hair issues I had. I think I changed my hair color 4 times that year. Other than my year of baldness my 40th hair year definately ranks up there with one of the worst hair years ever.

I didn’t realize I was struggling with getting a year older until I stepped into a Victoria’s Secret store the other day. See, in a fit of rage after my cancer diagnosis I threw all of my bras away. Not that I could have used them any longer because my body has changed so much, but tossing them out made me feel empowered in the moment so I went with it. All this to say, for Christmas, Mr. Wonderful gave me a gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret so I could replenish my stash.

I had my last surgery in December and he wanted me, when I was ready, to be able to go and purchase myself some new pretty things. Let’s not kid ourselves here though, I am very aware that there is a small part of him that is wanting to relive the glory days of when we were 1st married and all of my bras and underwear matched and looked crisp and clean. What he doesn’t know is I went and spent my life savings at Victoria’s Secret a week before our wedding so that he would think always having a matching set was normal and in no way had it been 5 years since the last time I had purchased a new bra. I’m exaggerating a bit here but you get my drift.

The nearest Victoria’s Secret to our home is 2.5 hours away. I was in Eugene the other day for a Dr. visit and I went to the mall to pick up a few things. As I passed the in the Victoria’s Secret store I decided to stop in and have a look around. This particular store has just been remodeled, everything is flashy and big, all of the models are thin and small. Don’t get me wrong I love how pretty some of the things are in there but at the same time I was beginning to think that maybe their only clientele these days is 18 with no children. Certainly not women whose breasts/gel packs are so deformed only a husband who loves her could look at them and still think she is beautiful.

Thankfulness / Tiffanyaolson.com

No, my hair was never this long… but those clip in extensions sure made me feel cute!

As I walked through the store my eyes started to fill with tears at the prospect of having to come back and try anything on. I was grateful that I had a bit more time to wait for the horrible day that is coming. I begin to contemplate how much wine or shots of tequila it would take to make me enjoy this process. Yes, I am that mature. Not stupid enough to follow through but immature enough to dream about it. Do 47 year olds even shop at Victoria’s Secret? How can a person be so thankful to be alive and so discouraged about getting older? I’m sure it has a bit to do with the fact that like most people I thought my life would look a little different at this stage of the game. I thought I would have a bit more figured out and life wouldn’t still feel so turbulent. At the same time I am thankful that I get more time with Mr. Wonderful and our kids so one day soon I will buck up and take my lumpy self back to the store and buy some bras… but not today.

Have a fabulous day my friends!